More exciting spinoffs — this time from the Big Ear

More exciting spinoffs — this time from the Big Ear

Photo by Jp Valery on Unsplash

Originally published 27 September 1993

Karl Mun­chausen called the oth­er day. Karl is Pub­lic Rela­tions Offi­cer for the Big Ear Project. As usu­al, he was try­ing to drum up media atten­tion for the Big Ear.

First, I should say what the project is.

As we know, the uni­verse began with a Big Bang. Because of the expan­sion of the uni­verse and the pas­sage of time, the Big Bang has been mut­ed to an almost unde­tectable mur­mur of microwave radi­a­tion. A con­sor­tium of uni­ver­si­ties and nation­al research lab­o­ra­to­ries wants to build a vast repli­ca of the human hear­ing organ on the prairie of North Dako­ta — the Big Ear — to lis­ten for the faint whis­per of creation.

The pro­ject­ed cost of the Big Ear is $10 bil­lion, although cost over­runs could dou­ble the price tag. It will cov­er 2,000 square miles of prairie, and require the relo­ca­tion of the city of Bismark.

I asked Mun­chausen why tax­pay­ers should foot the bill.

Are you kid­ding?” he explod­ed. “We’re talk­ing the begin­ning of the uni­verse. We’re talk­ing actu­al­ly hear­ing the Bang from the first nanosec­ond of cre­ation. Were talk­ing about proof for the most excit­ing the­o­ry of our time. The final the­o­ry. The God whisper.”

Yeah, I know, I said. But after spend­ing that huge amount of mon­ey, all we’ll get is a mere lisp of radi­a­tion — and that’s assum­ing the Big Ear works at all. $10 or $20 bil­lion seems a lot for a cos­mic sigh.

OK,” Mun­chausen said. “Spin­offs. Don’t for­get the spin­offs. The tech­nolo­gies devel­oped for this project will lead to hun­dreds of new con­sumer prod­ucts. New com­mer­cial enter­pris­es. A shot-in-the-arm for the econ­o­my. Just look at the spin­offs from the space program — ”

Like what? I asked.

Like — like Tang, the orange drink!”

Tang?

Think of space blan­kets for back­pack­ers and Nylon Tri-Lock in the soles of run­ning shoes. This stuff was devel­oped for space suits. And don’t for­get the iso­cya­nu­rate foam from the Space Shut­tle that is used to keep school lunch­es warm. NASA says that 30,000 appli­ca­tions from space tech­nol­o­gy have been trans­ferred to pri­vate or com­mer­cial use. Let me tell you, those kids with warm lunch­es are grate­ful for spinoffs.”

But sure­ly, I said, with 30,000 spin­offs you can think of some­thing more impor­tant to soci­ety than Tang, run­ning shoes and lunch­box foam?

Cord­less drills!” he gushed. “Did you know that the pro­to­type for the cord­less drill was devel­oped for use on the moon? And scratch-resis­tant coat­ings for spectacles!”

I thought: Why do I have this feel­ing that cord­less drills and scratch-resis­tant coat­ings would have come along even with­out the space pro­gram? When­ev­er I hear the word “spin­off” I know I’m in the pres­ence a gar­gan­tu­an sci-tech project sup­port­ed with pub­lic monies that is hav­ing a hard time jus­ti­fy­ing itself on its own merits.

I said to Mun­chausen: I know that sci­ence reporters love to hear about spin­offs. It’s a mag­ic word, guar­an­teed to gen­er­ate a few para­graphs of type. But my feel­ing is, spin­offs are a PR smokescreen.

I can’t believe you’re say­ing this,” said Karl, his voice qua­ver­ing with indig­na­tion. “Think about MRI (mag­net­ic res­o­nance imag­ing) tech­nol­o­gy. It’s sav­ing thou­sand of lives and mak­ing us health­i­er and hap­pi­er. Did you know that MRI is a spin­off of the mon­ey spent on sub­nu­clear par­ti­cle accelerators?”

I replied: Well, I do know that pro­po­nents for the mul­ti-bil­lion dol­lar Super­con­duct­ing Super­col­lid­er have advanced MRI as a spin­off of that field of research. The claim has been explod­ed by Nicholaas Bloem­ber­gen of Har­vard, a Nobel Prize-win­ning pio­neer of MRI, who has assured us that MRI imag­ing tech­nol­o­gy would be alive and well with­out any help from the big nation­al accel­er­a­tor laboratories.

Mun­chausen was bare­ly fazed by my rebut­tal. He spieled on: “And the Strate­gic Defense Ini­tia­tive, the Star Wars pro­gram. Free-elec­tron lasers devel­oped for Star Wars make it pos­si­ble for sur­geons to selec­tive­ly destroy can­cer cells. Adap­tive optics tech­nolo­gies devel­oped for Star Wars help astronomers obtain sharp­er star images from Earth.”

Karl, I said. Sure­ly these tech­nolo­gies would have hap­pened any­way, at mod­est cost. There were more spin-ins to Star Wars than spinoffs.

The pos­si­bil­i­ties are lim­it­less,” said Mun­chausen. “Spin­offs from the Space Sta­tion! Spin­offs from the Nation­al Aero-Space Plane!”

I remem­bered some­one promis­ing that the Nation­al Aero-Space Plane would “gen­er­ate spin­offs with the poten­tial to change earth­bound lifestyles.” More Tang, I suppose?

He hard­ly paused: “The Big Ear will gen­er­ate spin­offs with the poten­tial to change lifestyles. Spe­cial new sol­vents devel­oped for clean­ing the Big Ear will replace Q‑Tips in every fam­i­ly’s med­i­cine cab­i­net. Super­sen­si­tive microwave receivers devel­oped for hear­ing the cos­mic whis­per will rev­o­lu­tion­ize the com­mu­ni­ca­tions indus­try. Tun­nel­ing tech­nolo­gies devel­oped for the tubes and canals of the Big Ear will find appli­ca­tion in…”

I cut him off. Lis­ten, Mun­chausen, I said, you’ve got the wrong man. I’ve been lis­ten­ing to spin­off hype for 50 years. I nev­er liked Tang in the first place. There may be a dozen ter­rif­ic rea­sons for build­ing the Big Ear, but spin­offs isn’t one of them.

OK, OK,” enthused Mun­chausen, with true PR resilience. “Let’s not call it spin­offs. Let’s call it tech­nol­o­gy trans­fer.”

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