Originally published 7 March 1994
Dear Mr. Computer,
I’m thinking about buying a laptop computer. I’ve heard that in six months time the machines will be faster, more powerful, and cheaper than today. Should I wait?
W.M., Somerville
Dear W.M.,
Buy your laptop now and enjoy it while you can. Six months from now laptops will indeed be better and cheaper, but then you will be only three months away from even better machines. If you delay those additional three months, you will be only a month away from yet better machines. And so on. You are eventually going to feel rotten no matter when you buy.
Dear Mr. Computer,
We own a home computer and bought several highly recommended “totware” packages for our 18-month-old child. However, Jason insists on playing with his blocks instead of the computer. We are worried that he will not be competitive when he starts playschool. Should we take the blocks away and insist that he use the computer?
T.T., Wellesley
Dear T.T.,
Putting the blocks away should not be necessary. (They are useful as door-stops and window props). However, I would recommend a software package called “Digi-Blocks.” With this program, your child can move brightly-colored, simulated blocks on the screen of the computer, using the mouse. The future belongs to those who are comfortable in virtual reality. The sooner Jason stops playing with real objects, the better.
Dear Mr. Computer,
I recently purchased a palmtop Personal Digital Assistant, an electronic notepad that translates hand-written commands into computer action. The trouble is, the machine can’t make heads nor tails of my handwriting. I write, “Date with Debbie on Friday,” and the machine schedules “Dottie on Tuesday.”
J.B., Cambridge
Dear J.B.,
Personal Digital Assistants (PDAs) have a few deficiencies in their handwriting recognition software, and the prospects don’t look brighter for the immediate future. Still, your PDA sets you apart as the trendiest of the trendy. Your best course of action is to dump Debbie and find a new friend named Dottie.
Dear Mr. Computer,
I’m madly in love with Bill Gates, the chairman of Microsoft, the biggest software company in the world. I think he’s as cute as pie, but can’t get him to answer my letters. Any advice?
Cindy Y., Stoughton
Dear Cindy,
You are right, Bill Gates is as cute as pie. He is also worth $7 billion, which makes him the cutest pie in America. Unfortunately, the object of your infatuation has recently become espoused or, as we say, “off line.” Mr. Computer recommends that you console yourself with a Personal Digital Assistant.
Dear Mr. Computer,
I’m in a quandary.
Should I buy a Macintosh or an IBM compatible?
Ralph G., Newton
Dear Ralph,
There was a time when the choice between Macintosh and IBM was one of the great cultural divides in America. In those days, if you listened to ‘GBH, drank white wine, drove a Volvo, and lived in Newton, you bought a Mac. If you were a take-charge kind of person who drank Scotch, drove a BMW, and wore pinstripe suits, then you went with IBM — and looked down your nose upon Macs. However, since IBM with Windows has copy-catted Mac, there’s not a fig’s worth of difference between the two machines. Buy the cheapest and spend the difference on a case of good white wine.
Dear Mr. Computer,
What’s all this talk about Alpha, Pentium, and PowerPC? Do I need to know about these things before I buy a home computer?
H.H., Quincy
Dear H.H.,
Alpha, Pentium, and PowerPC are the latest microprocessor chips from Digital, Intel, and IBM/Apple/Motorola respectively. These are the electronic brains of computers. Each manufacturer is striving for the fastest microprocessor on the market, but this should not concern you at all. Any one of these chips could calculate the world’s weather until a week from Thursday while you are deciding your next keystroke.
Dear Mr. Computer,
When friends and business associates ask me for my e‑mail address, I’m embarrassed to admit that I don’t have one. Am I the only person in town who’s not on the Internet?
F.W., Boston
Dear F.W.,
Oh dear, no e‑mail address. I know exactly how you must feel. To keep your spirits up, I suggest that you make a list of your positive qualities, e.g., sprightly personality, generosity, sense of humor, fax machine. Don’t despair. Sooner or later you too will be driving about on the information superhighway.
