Originally published 23 October 2001
Hey, I think of myself as an outdoorsy kind of guy. I walk the woods and meadows every day. I bike. I climb mountains. I do my bit for the environment. So, when Outside magazine promises to tell me “The Best 120 Cool Things” for the outdoorsy life, I’m ready to listen.
Uh-oh. Maybe I’m in the wrong outside.
Item number one is a De Havilland Beaver single-engine floatplane, “the ’55 Chevy of planes,” says wilderness pilot Tom Langdon. I can have one of these babies for $350,000, states the magazine. Add navigational bells and whistles and we’re talking another $350,000.
Quite aside from the fact that I couldn’t afford one, a De Havilland Beaver is low on my wish list. The way I figure it, any place I’d need a floatplane to get to, I should probably stay out of. The last thing the wilderness needs are more roaring internal-combustion engines and fat-cat sportsmen with upscale rifles, fishing gear, and cases of single-malt scotch.
The best looking piece of equipment on offer from Outside is the Seven Cycles Odonata road bike, handcrafted from titanium and carbon fiber, with a frame that weighs in at an astonishing 2.5 pounds. This is technology to make you drool, and anything that replaces the automobile gets my vote. The trouble is, at $5,600, I’d be afraid to take the darn thing out on the road for fear of scratching it up. I’ll stick with my 20-year-old Univega.
Another item that appeals to me aesthetically is the $2,599 Apple Powerbook G4 Titanium Edition laptop computer, a mindblowingly beautiful piece of techno-gear that every writer should own (says a devilish voice in the back of my head). Pull this package out in public and you’ll make a statement “of power and influence” states Outside magazine.
But, do I really need the Titanium Edition when an Apple iBook costing less than half the price will do my job just as well. After all, I do much of my writing sitting alone in the woods, so who’s going to be impressed?
And, if I really cared about the great outdoors, I could contribute the difference to some worthy environmental cause.
How about a Handspring Visor Edge digital organizer, for $399? “Just tap the screen to access thousands of contacts and appointments” states the magazine. What they don’t explain is how anyone with thousands of contacts and appointments has time for the outdoors.
A Leica M6 TTL camera caught my eye, but I’d be sure to drop it, and at $4,290 a pop, that would be an expensive accident. Besides, the older I get, the more I am convinced that the only outside images worth keeping are those I store in my head.
I suppose I would enjoy a week at Outside magazine’s “Best Eco-lodge,” the Coconut Beach Rainforest Resort in Australia, smack dab between jungle and white sand. With doubles at $117 to $175 a night, that’s quite a bargain. But, you know, there are still places in my local woods I want to explore, and the rainforest surely doesn’t need one more eco-tourist.
There are a few things on Outside’s “Cool Things” list that anyone would want to own. No one has improved yet upon a pair of Levi’s 501 button-fly jeans, although I’ll take the 505 with the zip. The Patagonia Regulator R2 Fleece Jacket at $129 sounds like something I wouldn’t mind treating myself to sometime when I’m feeling particularly virtuous. And a house without a $4 roll of ever-useful Duct Tape is missing the best all-purpose repair technology on the market.
There’s music on the list, and a book or two, always welcome. And we could all profit by the Best Advice of outdoors writer Edward Abbey: “It is not enough to fight for the land; it is even more important to enjoy it. While you can. While it is still there.” He might have added: Before it’s overrun by the $350,000 floatplanes and $40,000 SUVs.
I added all this stuff up, and found out it would cost close to a cool $1 million to enjoy all 120 “Best Cool Things.” Heck, I could endow a nice little nature preserve for that kind of money.
I know Outside magazine’s heart is in the right place — outside — but I wonder if there is not a deep contradiction between nature’s interests and the philosophy of consumption embodied in the wish list. So I’ll pass on the $430,000 Aerodyne 47 sailboat and even the $249 L. L. Bean Ultralite Parka.
How about joining me instead for a walk on the beach? We can watch the last sailboats of autumn with our feet in the sand. I’ll wear the favorite wool overshirt that my wife gave me for my birthday 15 years ago. It cost only $34.95, and it’s almost as good as new.
