Originally published 4 March 1991
“So what’s this little loop on the back of the shirt?” I pointed to the cloth loop sewn into the yoke below the collar.
The salesperson shrugged. “Dunno. To hang the shirt up with, I guess.”
“Are you kidding? Can you imagine how a shirt would look after hanging all night by that loop. It would poke out in the back like a pyramid.”
“So don’t use the loop.”
“Then why should I have to pay for it? Why did they put it there in the first place? I’ll bet you the price of this shirt that no one has ever hung a shirt by one of these loops. Talk about useless. Talk about frivolous. Talk about…”
It was late in the day. She nodded wearily. “So don’t buy the shirt. If you don’t like the loop, don’t buy the shirt.”
“But I like the shirt. I just don’t like the loop.”
She drummed her fingers on the counter. “It’s not important,” she said, “and it doesn’t add much to the cost of the shirt.”
I asked: “Did you ever hear of the Butterfly Effect?”
She shook her head.
“It’s the latest rage in science. Chaos. Fractals. That sort of thing. A new kind of mathematics that scientists use to describe complex systems. Systems that depend on a zillion variables, with lots of feedback. Systems like the weather, for instance. Or the world economy. What these chaos scientists have realized is that complex systems naturally evolve towards a state where tiny changes can sometimes result in huge consequences. A butterfly flaps its wings in China, gives a little shove to the air, and that bit of air disturbs a bigger bit of air, and the bigger bit disturbs something else, and — well, you get the idea, next thing you know we have a blizzard in Boston all because a butterfly fluttered its wings in China. The Butterfly Effect, they call it.”
“Are you some kind of nut?”
“Self-organized criticality, thats the technical term. A kind of balanced disorder that we call order. A sand pile, for instance. A conical pile of sand. Drop one more grain onto the slope and it will probably do nothing, or it may start a little tumble of grains, or — if the slope is on the verge of chaos, in the critical state — one tiny grain dropped onto the pile can cause a catastrophic avalanche. Half the pile comes tumbling down.”
“You’re a nut. You are definitely a nut.”
“Or consider the economy. The economy is much too complex to be described by the old-style deterministic mathematics. Too many interconnected variables, too many kinds of feedback. But the economy maintains itself near the critical state. Oh, yeah, we have a recession now and then, usually mild, occasionally deep. Then, along comes a little glitch, a tiny trading aberration amplified by computers, and — bang! — almost total collapse. Black Monday.”
She rolled her eyes.
“Earthquakes too. The crust of the earth is in the critical state. Lots of tremors, individually unpredictable. A few moderate quakes. And occasionally the Big One. Fractal mathematics describes the distribution of earthquake intensities.
“Look, do you want the shirt or not? I’ve got other customers you know. I can’t spend all day listenin’ to crazy theories.”
“Madam, I’m not talking crazy theories, I’m talking about the shirt. I’m talking about this little loop. Do the shirt manufacturers know what they are messing around with? Do they realize that fashions are a system every bit as complicated as the weather, or the economy. Talk about feedback! Talk about self-organized criticality! Sew these silly little loops onto shirts and who knows what might happen.”
“I could call the police.”
“This whole fashion thing is a massive system of interacting variables. Cuffs or no cuffs, belt or suspenders, wide tie or thin tie, side vents or back vent, two buttons or three. A thousand colors and cuts and accessories. It’s as complex as the economy. Or the weather. Or the pile of sand. So what happens? A shirt manufacturer decides to sew loops on shirts. OK, this time the result was negligible. But it might have been catastrophic. A catastrophic avalanche of fashion chaos. Bell-bottoms. Caps with ear flaps. Buckles on the backs of trousers. Round-tipped collars. Nehru jackets. God knows what we might have ended up with.”
“I’m dialing. I’m dialing now.”
“Blue suede shoes. Pink shirts with black knit ties. Bermuda shorts.”
“It’s ringing, Mister.”
“Garters. Knickerbockers. Watch pockets. Zoot suits. Bowler hats. Powdered wigs.”
“The cops are on the line.”
“OK, OK. Don’t get so hot under the collar. I’ll take the shirt.”